3-D Imaging

Hello everyone,

I had the most wonderful time the other night. Jace, Rachel, Grandma Ronda, and I went south to Prenatal Imaging. A most enthusiastic thank you goes out to Dr. Jeanette Burlbaw and her friendly staff. Not only did they give us all the time we needed to see baby Jax, they gave us

a CD, DVD, sound recording of Jax's heart, and plenty of hard copy pictures! They were so generous and loving. One of the staff members went the extra mile for us and delivered to our house Jace's stuffed frog named Tad that we left in their office.

I thought I would attempt to give you a peak into our emotions as we saw what baby Jax kinda looks like. I wonder if you have ever gone swimming in a big lake before? Sometimes you can be floating in the open water, like after you fall off of an inner-tube or maybe you are just floating around for fun. I would hope you wouldn't be taking a bath, but I suppose some people do. There are times, in certain lakes, where the water can feel like the perfect temperature around your body. So perfect, you don't even really know you are in it. Then in a flash, some super chilly water swirls by and for a minute or two your legs get pretty cold. Of course, this makes you realize how perfect the water was, and when the warm water returns it is such a relief. This is similar to how my emotions were that day.

When we saw the first 3-D image, I forgot I had any worries about my boy at all. We just looked. I couldn't hear or feel much of anything and everything seemed to slow down. It was a little slice of eternity wrapping my heart like that perfect lake water on a hot summer day engulfs your body. My eyes took in every curve, feature, and body part with such delight that i felt like my heart was glowing with joy. I just remember saying saying in my head, "My son, and he looks so perfect. He is so handsome!"

This feeling lasted for a few minutes, then I saw his little hands make an awkward little fist and his seemingly low set ears and it was like that super chilly water that kinda takes your breathe away in the lake. The reality of how short his life may be hijacked my mind and heart with a sadness that felt like a python was wrapped tight around my chest, filling me with strong anxiety. The emotions ebbed and flowed for about one hour. We would then see his little bottom, and his lips, and how he folded his precious arms and crossed his skinny little legs and warmth would again comfort my heart.

This continued going back and forth until we had

seen every inch of his body. Once I had seen all the physical anomalies that Jax had then my emotions leveled out a bit. I was able to just be thankful for his life. The joyful moments far outweighed the sad, and I felt so close to my son that I will cherish that time for the rest of my existence. It was the proudest I have felt as a dad since my first son, Jace, was born in 2008. I imagine that it will be overshadowed on the day that we meet Jax face to face and not through a screen.

I look forward to that day, and the 3-D sonogram gave me such a sense of reality. I have a son who smiles, makes grumpy faces, stretches, yawns, rests, and snuggles inside of my beautiful wife Rachel. I could no more harm to him than I could to my two year old. I love him with all my heart, and he is already apart of me. He is affecting me on a daily basis. My son has already made me a better husband, dad and man. The incredible thing is, he hasn't even taken one breath.

--Marcus

Psalm 30: 2-5

O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you restored my health.
You brought me up from the grave, O Lord.
You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

Sing to the Lord, all you Godly ones!
Praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.